Is It Time To Move In With the Kids?

October 20th, 2008 • Related • Filed Under • by tisha

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With the way things are going financially, so many families have had to make tough decisions in the name of basic survival. Many people have been hit hard by the economic crisis and are facing a lot of changes in their lives in a short period of time. One demographic group that is really feeling the pinch is the elderly. Those who have retired or are disables may not be able to survive on their governmental benefits and may see their retirement accounts slipping away to nothing fast. They may be forced to sell their homes because they can no longer afford their taxes or the cost to heat their homes in the winter. Many will relocate to senior citizen communities if they can afford the monthly rents and other associated costs.

Some will simply not know what to do. For those older folks, one alternative may be the decision to reside with their adult children. Some families will already have an extra bedroom for the accommodations and some will have to make renovations to the current family home. In either case, the living situation can be ideal for the elderly parents on a fixed income and for the growing families who can use the extra assistance.

While it all may be well and good to think extended families living together can do so in peace and harmony, the truth of the matter is that a few ground rules, when established from the start, can be advantageous to both parties and help eliminate unnecessary tension. Here are a few tips to help families work through difficult life changes when moving back in together.

Plan Wisely for a Home Makeover

Some families may decide to upgrade the basement or the attic to accommodate the larger family. Some families may need to do some additional construction to accommodate a disabled parent. Regardless of the type of upgrades needed, it is essential that the financial aspects of the remodeling be discussed and agreed upon prior to starting. It needs to be crystal clear by both parties who is paying for what. There is no faster way to start a family feud than a dispute over money. Perhaps the sale of a parent’s home can provide the cash for the remodel or maybe the agreement can be split 50/50. Whatever the plan is, put it in writing so both parties will have their expectations in line.

Plan to Share Expenses

Since there is another person in the home, some of the household expenses will increase, such as utilities. It is reasonable to make an agreement between both parties regarding what constitutes shared expenses and how much is fair. Mortgages and taxes would be good examples of what is not a fair share expense because whether or not grandma moved in, would not affect those bills. Paying a fair share of bills can be determined by an equal share based on the number of people in the home or it can be based on the financial situation of the families. There is no right or wrong way to divide. It is all up to the discretion of the parties involved.

Plan for the Future

Elderly parents need to work on plans for the near future and the possibilities of long term care. If the adult children living in the home would need to hire a nurse or employ other medical care, plans should be made and discussed before something should happen. Planning ahead can help the whole family make any transitions smoothly and be prepared to deal with life changes. Elderly parents should also keep their wills updated and their final wishes known to their loved ones in the event of an emergency.

Remember to Respect

It may take some adjusting for some families to get used to the possible loss of privacy and for the elderly, a loss of independence. Families need to remember to respect each other and each other’s spaces. Family discussions about living issues can help stop small problems before they get out of control.