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When parents finally get to the stage where all children are grown and out of the home, it can feel like cause for nestcelebration – that is until a knock comes at the door and there stands a boomerang kid.

Back in the day, many families remained together under one roof. Parents and children shared the same living space with grandparents, aunts, and cousins. It was a pretty common and viable living arrangement. Today, it seems that history is repeating itself more often due to the tough economy, increase in job losses, incidents of divorce, and even sometimes due to procrastination. More adult children are returning to mom and dad’s and in most cases, parents still feel some obligation to welcome them home with open arms.

However, for empty nest parents, allowing your adult child to return home may not be the best decision, financially or otherwise. Of course no parent wants to see a child fall on hard times but parents also need to consider their own best interests.

Here are a few considerations to make before you refill the nest:

  • Understand the true intent of your adult child’s return home. Are they really in need of assistance or are they just looking for free handouts? While it may be hard as a parent to separate emotions on this subject, a bit of objectivity is important. Getting taken advantage of so close to (or after) retirement age can be a big financial risk.
  • Does your child have a solid plan? While it may be appropriate to help a child in need, it is very important to understand whether or not your child has a plan to get back on their own feet again after your initial assistance. If they do not, encourage them to do so or set an ultimatum.
  • Have a timeline. When your child presents their plan to get back to the real world, make sure you set and commit to a timeline for leaving. Do they plan to stay for 3 months? 6 months? Do not let them dictate to you how long they can stay. It is your house and you have a say in the matter as well. Whatever time table you agree to, be sure to honor that date and make sure your child does too.
  • Help doesn’t have to be free. If you as parents are struggling to make ends meet, it is completely reasonable to ask your child to chip in with living costs. Perhaps you want cash towards rent, groceries or utilities. Whatever amount you deem fair, you should be able to require a contribution to the household.
  • Don’t blow your budget. If you live on a budget, do not allow your child’s presence in the home to affect it, causing you financial strain. Continue contributing to your savings or retirement plan, putting your needs on top.
  • Work with them but don’t do it for them. While your children are accustomed to your assistance when in need, as adults they should be more than capable of doing things for themselves. It can be very tempting to want to fix your kid’s mistakes but if you do, they will never learn and likely never leave your home.

As you get older, you will likely need to rely on your children for assistance too. Unfortunately many individuals will use that reality for guilt purposes. Both parents and children should be willing to set and abide by boundaries that are set when it comes to cohabitation and financial support.



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